Bitter Cold Temps, Wind Gusts and Snow Headed Our Way – Time to Panic!

According to the National Weather Service, our area has a wind advisory from now until 6 PM tonight. We also have a wind warning until 6 PM tomorrow night. Temperatures could get as low as 10 degrees in Danbury, and snow is in the forecast for Saturday.

If you have not started to panic yet, you might want to get on that. This is threat level Midnight here. It is time to board up the windows, tell your loved ones how you feel about them and say a prayer.

Whenever one of these impending weather situations heads our way, I like to give out survival tips for surviving such a system. Since each system is different, they require different actions. Here is how you can survive the next four days:

• Smear chap stick all over your rear-end. This is a big one. This prevents further cracking of the ass. Science tells us that a chapped ass is a bigger deal than you might imagine. It's been described as the silent killer.
• Duct tape Wonder Bread to your friends and family to prevent them from being struck by flying debris. We are expecting high winds and the higher the winds the worse the debris.
• Buy all the bread and milk you can fit in your car. It's very important to eat a butt load of French Toast whenever the temps drop below 20.
• Get your affairs in order. Write a will, put it in a fire proof bag and have carrier pigeons fly it to your lawyers office.
• Fortify your home. I board up windows and screw my furniture to the floor.

If you follow these simple safety tips you may live to see Monday.