According to the Peachtree City Police out of Georgia via the NY Post, Brandon Lee Nelson was arrested on Thursday and charged with burglary. The 33-year-old is accused of stealing five boxes of Golden Malted waffle batter from his former employer's storage unit.

Authorities say he was attempting to set up a waffle black market and even met with two buyers to sell the batter. Nelson was arrested after being identified on surveillance video. He has since been released on bond.

I love waffles as much as the next guy, but it seems like there is a serious risk/reward imbalance here. I'm just trying to walk a mile in this alleged criminal's shoes here. If I were to weigh the risk/reward, I'd likely come to the conclusion that this is not a good idea.

What is your best case scenario? Let us over-examine this. Here is the math on this:

  • Your typical retail "Golden Malted" waffle batter runs you around $8 for a 2lb. package, so this is $4 per lb.
  • Times 150 lbs is $600 RETAIL value.
  • Retail value does not fly on the streets. In fact, neither does wholesale.
  • If we are talking wholesale, we subtract a conservative margin of 25%, this guy would have $450 of WHOLESALE product on his hands. BUT as I mentioned earlier, wholesale prices are not enough to entice buyers on "the street" to participate in a crime, thus allowing you to turn a quick profit.
  • So, he's gotta cut even more and now we find ourselves at around $300 of street value product on his hands.
  • At 150 lbs. of total product, divided by 2 lbs per unit, we have 75 two pound units.
  • Divide the $300 total street value product by 75 units you come to 4 dollars per unit or half their retail value.
  • Now, I have to find a market for people who both really love waffles, and are willing to participate in a crime to save $4 on the ingredients to make waffles.

I'm sure my math is flawed. If not, I took way to many steps but the message and result are clear. CRIME DOESN'T PAY!

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