5 Hilarious Tips for Surviving Heavy Snowfall
The forecast here in the Northeast is not looking good. More specifically, here in the Greater Danbury area, they are calling for 4-8 inches of a nasty wintry mix.
So what do you need to do to survive it? First of all throw out everything you have ever heard before. Unlearn what you have learned and follow me on a journey of knowledge and survival. Here are THE most important things you can do:
1 - PANIC - I mean really work yourself and loved ones up. You need to feel the fear so the adrenaline can flow through you. Get your heart rate up and keep it there.
2 - Go out right now and buy all the milk you can find - Drink as much of the milk as you can right away. You need to see what your dairy tolerance level is in case this is the beginning of Armageddon. You need to know if your stomach can handle living on Government cheese and this is the best way to find out.
3 - Buy all the Wonder Bread you can - DO NOT REMOVE THE BREAD FROM THE BAG! You take those bread bags and duct tape them to your head and extremities and do the same to your family members. You are now insulated from rogue flying chunks of ice or any other debris that may be whipping around.
4 - Go to the lowest point of your house - When you get there start digging and get even lower. When you get there...dig again...rinse and repeat until you can no longer see natural light.
5 - Never assume that it's a good time to climb out of the literal hole you have dug - Just when it sounds all clear is when it's not. The zombies will be waiting for you if you come out too soon. When you think the coast is clear add 6 weeks and a year and then emerge from your spider hole.
If you follow these simple tips you just might survive the Snowpocalypse.