El Presidente of the ever-popular Barstool Sports and One Bite Reviews Dave Portnoy, along with his trusty Connecticut chauffeur named "Uber Debbie," recently embarked on a pizza reviewing mission taking to the streets of CT once more.
This state values his opinion arguably more than N.Y., and his New Haven reviews were controversial, to say the least. No pressure, Pres.
Dom and Pia is El Pres’ top-ranked pie from his most recent CT tour coming in at an 8.1. According to Portnoy, the pie is definitely worthy of the CT hype despite it not being New Haven caliber. That brings us to one question: was the 65-year-old legendary pizza business worth his 2-hour drive? He couldn’t quite tell. But whenever Portnoy hesitates to speak on a pizza’s unworthiness to travel for, you shouldn’t hesitate to drive there during your next lunch hour.
On Vincenzo’s name, El Pres. has spoken: A not great, but good pie. A cold weather, football pizza. A thick, traditional slice. A commendable 7.5 rating. This second place powerhouse- helping to secure Waterbury’s 1st and 2nd ranked dominance during Portnoy’s CT tour- should be proud of their newly received accolades. Indeed, Vincenzo’s rating falling short of an 8 shouldn't fool anyone; anytime El Pres. gives a taste test that’s NFL certified, his credibility should make you want to take the test yourself. Happy playoffs.
John's Pizza, a Naugatuck product, is introduced in third place. For lovers of cheese and this iconic hotspot, Portnoy’s review may come as a mix of disappointment and hope, as he dangles the possibility of a higher 7 rating contingent on the "avalanche of cheese" atop his pie being removed. However, as it stands, this mozzarella friendly restaurant will have to live with a 7.2.
Watertown’s (technically Oakville’s) Anthony’s Pizza gets put on the map with Portnoy’s 4th ranked review. With another balanced review of pros and cons, Anthony’s is a reportedly great tasting yet greasy locale that serves a thick slice in an even thicker box. Portnoy gives his rating after his “one” bite and walks off in confidence: a certain 6.9.
Another football worthy restaurant that serves a good, “pretty basic” thin slice with the highly-coveted “super flop,” inside a seemingly CT-generic pizza box. Portnoy delivers a 6.8 outside the Vinny’s doors.
Fino comes in just behind Vinny’s with a 6.7, but I feel El Pres. is too distracted by the squad of uncontrollably giddy, starstruck girls behind him to give a truly accurate score. Unfortunately, it seems like Fino receives a lot of customers this night at the expense of a lackluster review. Redo? Stubborn Portnoy would never. Nevertheless, if you’re looking for good sauce tang and a nice flop in the crust, Fino is the place to be.
Mike's Pizza Palace- 28 Church Street, Naugatuck, CT
Last but not least is Mike’s in Naugatuck. Their sign is broken, their pizza is a little greasy, and they cut their pies with what looks to be “a machete.” However, the pizza is adequately cheesy, has a decent crisp, and, in the wise words of Dave Portnoy, “it’s not horrible.” Put that all together and you get a 6.6 from our trustworthy critic.