Bethel Police Are on the Lookout For Missing Bats

On Sunday (05/05/24) the Bethel Police Department sent out word to the community for help. They made the call in a Facebook post that read:

"A Bethel resident recently placed a couple items in their front yard while organizing a few things. Someone mistakenly thought these items were free due to their proximity to the road. A person stopped and took a large number of wooden baseball bats. If you took them or know who did, please let us know,or return them. There is NOT a criminal investigation at this time. Thank you!"

I want to contribute to finding these bats so bad I can't stand it!

First of all, I love wooden bats, I have not stepped in a batter's box in a very long time but that has not stopped me from swinging my wooden bat on a regular basis. I take phantom cuts in the parking lot outside my place, in my bedroom and in the hallway. I go for my bat anytime I remember that I own one, they are works of art.

The other thing is, this sparks my curiosity as to why this Bethel homeowner has "a large number" of wooden bats? Is this person a former utility infielder for the Milwaukee Brewers? Did they own a "large number" of dive bars? Are they part-owner of a batting cage? The questions are endless but I'd imagine if we find the bats, they will let me ask the owner these questions.

Then, there is the question of the status of this case. Why is this not a criminal investigation? Are we so tag-sale obsessed that we've created a loophole in the American justice system? We can't put our items, too close to the road, on our property without creating a free-for-all looting session?

Finally, what is a "rando" gonna do with a "large number" of wooden bats? Were they harboring plans to start their own hardball league but didn't have enough seed money to purchase the equipment? Were they waiting decades, in hopes that someone would put a gross of wooden bats too close to the road?

I love this. If, and when this case gets solved, I better get a phone call because I cannot die without securing answers to my many questions.

The search is afoot! I have plans of further examining this case on the I-95 Morning Show. Don't contact me to say "I swing my bat too" if you're swinging a metal bat, it's not the same and you know it.

Check out the Ethan, Lou & Large Dave Podcast on Apple and Spotify

P.S. I hope I succesfully tricked a card-carrying member of PETA to read this article about baseball bats.