A couple of Sundays ago, my wife was keeping cool in Candlewood Lake when she felt something nibbling on her backside.

Understandably, she was a little creeped out, even though there was no real pain involved. I, of course immediately launched into investigative mode by Googling everything having to do with freshwater ass-biting predators. I began my analysis by listing the possibilities.

After wrapping up hours of research, I came to the conclusion that none of the five possibilities were the culprits that nibbled on my wife's butt. The Grass Carp's job is to chow-down on lake vegetation. They are not interested in human flesh. The Brown Bullhead is a bottom feeder, but not that kind of bottom feeder. They live in the brown murky waters near the bottom of the lake.

American Minks do inhabit the waters of Candlewood Lake, but mostly at night, and the Vampire Fish lives in the Amazon basin of South America and has two knife-like lower fangs and razor-sharp upper teeth as illustrated in the video below. The Vampire fish doesn't "nibble," it actually viciously bites its prey and has never developed a taste for humans.

Then, all of a sudden, it hit me that I should contact the organization that is all things Candlewood Lake, all the time -- the Candlewood Lake Authority! They got back to me right away with this common-sense answer:

It could very well be small fish like Sunfish or Alewives that are eating the dead skin cells that come off while you're swimming.

Case solved. Thanks, Candlewood Lake Authority. You guys rock.