The Official Connecticut Survival Kit to Fight Against Winter
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It’s that time of year again -- Got to love the freezin’ season. Who doesn’t love being cold, slipping on ice, or a frozen windshield?
No need to worry, we got you covered. If you’re looking for a new way to beat the chill this Connecticut winter season, you’ve come to the right place. Check out this list of 10 unique products you need this winter season to stay warm, cozy, and fight off the all the bad guys the come with winter (we'll get there).
I was thinking about this product, then I got cold feet. Just kidding; the complete opposite, actually. These bad boys came in the mail last week and OH BOY do my piggies feel like they’re in blankets. Best part is, I don’t have to keep buying new footwarmers. YOU CAN EVEN CHARGE IT. Who woulda thought?
If you’re like me, the people you live with probably prefer to keep the temperature at a crisp 47 degrees. Nothing beats finishing an article at home while watching my breathe form ice crystals in the air. I can wear long sleeves, hoodies, or sweatshirts, but do I really want to wear gloves in the house? To tell you the truth, I don’t. Enter: The Heated Mouse Pad. Why work or peruse the web and get frostbite? Nobody likes frostbite. Right? I certainly don’t. I can tell you what I do like though: Working on my computer while my scrolling hand is all toasty and snug.
Do I really need to sell you on this? C’mon. JUST LOOK AT IT. Not only does the beard scarf attached to the beanie keep your face warm, it also gives off the illusion you have facial hair. Unfortunately, I am no stranger to facial hair, as I shave twice a day and thrice on Sunday. But for all you guys out there that can’t grow beards, this winter you can wow your friends with an incredible, and almost impossible, improvement to your facial hair game. Best part is, you don’t even need to be a guy to wear it. Don’t like having a cold face in the harsh weather? Welcome to the club. The Beard Head is the perfect product for you.
This is just a great idea. My order is placed, and I cannot wait for it to arrive. Not only is this beanie stylish, not only will it keep me warm, but it will play MY BLOODY MUSIC AS I WEAR IT. I almost want to say, “How dare anybody come up with such a great idea,” but I’d rather just bite my tongue and wear it myself. I will be wearing this beanie everywhere. Know what I’ll say when my coworkers ask me why I’m always cold inside? I won’t say anything because I won’t be able to hear them. Join me. Join the Bluetooth Beanie Movement.
I may have had my share of complaining about the cold in this piece, but nothing truly grinds my gears more than getting into a freezing car at 6:30AM. Even more horrific, there is no better feeling than getting into my car after a long day of work and grabbing my dry ice of a steering wheel. I need the Heated Steering Wheal, and if you’re anything like me, so do you. What’s great about this product is its ease of use. Once the cover is on the wheel, just plug it into the cigarette lighter and you’re all set. Piece of cake. Try it! Your hands will thank you.
Besides my fight against the cold and my devious roommates, year after year my snowboots find the need to pick a fight with me. I’m not sure what I did to them, but my boots love to go to war with me whenever I try to take them off. Maybe I’m misinterpreting it, and they just really like me? It’s always the same story: I get in the house and try to kick my boots off. When I fail miserably (again and again), I sit on the ground, get my hands all nasty from the wet and sediment-filled snow, and eventually get them off my feet. It’s a pathetic process, really. But pathetic no more! I finally found a secret weapon to go against my one of my arch greatest arch nem… nemesi? Nemeses? Nemeses. The Boot Puller! Want to make someone’s Holiday? This stocking stuffer might stuff an entire stocking, but it won’t fail to put a smile on the recipient’s face. Better idea: TREAT YOURSELF. You deserve it. Why go to war with those shin high suckers anyway? You have better things to spend your energy on.
One of my absolute favorite parts of the Winter season is how much of a prankster old Jack Frost is. For some reason, he loves to watch me breakdance on my way up the steps into my house. I can’t wrap my brain around why he’d be so cruel, but it’s time to take a stand. Even better, it’s time to stand - not fall and bust my… well you know. That’s why I just ordered my Heated Stair Mat in preparation for Jack Frost’s childish antics. No [slipping-related] lawsuits this year for me! On a more serious note, this product is great if you have elder parents, grandparents, or anyone who you worry about slipping on ice. I always work hard to scrape the ice off my stairs every year before my grandparents come over. But the foreseeable future, this is one less thing I’ll have to worry about.
Picture this: I wake up one Monday morning and realized I overslept for work. No time to preheat the car- I need to get dressed and go! When I get to the car, I see my windshield is covered in snow. I frantically clean the it off, only to realize there is a half inch thick layer of ice frozen across my windshield. Am I screwed? If I wait for my car to warm up, I will be even more late than I already am! Well, my dear reader, never again! This Winter season I’ll be prepared. Thanks to my brand-new Heated Ice Scraper, the ice on my windshield won’t stand a chance. Mark my words, this product will be your unsung hero this Winter season. Why waste your money on an annoying tarp you have to put over your car? Be a step ahead of pinhead Jack Frost and always be prepared with a Heated Ice Scraper!
It’s no secret Connecticut winters are really harsh. Though it hasn’t been too horrible the last few years, experts are saying we are in for a real “Polar Coaster” this season. Why wait till it’s cold? Aren’t you tired of your boots, Igloo mates, dopey Jack Frost’s antics? Be proactive. Join the war against the CT Winter Cold. They don’t stand a chance in Hell against us this year; they’ll probably melt!