Why Rudolph Should Have Told Santa That He Was Busy That Night
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has long been one of my favorite movies. I don't say that lightly. I am completely passionate about the story, as those closest to me are well aware.
Of course, I adore the characters. Who doesn't love seeing Rudolph flying through the air when Clarisse, in her little red bow, tells him that he's the rein-dude for her?
There's the residents of The Island of Misfit Toys and their leader King Moonracer in all of his lion-ness! New parents, Donner and Mrs. Donner ::::sigh:::: I could go on and on!
However, there is a big problem that I have with two of the characters: Comet and, yes, Santa!
We can almost not blame Comet. He seems to be one of those knuckleheads that we all went to High School with. You know that guy, the one who walked around with his muscles making up stories about what girls he was with? That same guy who grows up and coaches a little league team, not for the love of the sport or the kids -- the one who does it to continue his bullying skills.
As the story begins, Santa visits the Donners to see their newborn baby deer. The visit was brief, and Santa was quoted as saying:
Donner, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Really, Santa? Who says that to new parents?
He also goes on to tell baby Rudolph how he needs to grow out of his "non-conformity" if he ever wants to be lucky enough to pull his overweight, velour-attired, bossy self all over the world, all night, on a major holiday! By the way, I never heard any talk of any sort of compensation.
On to the reindeer games -- Comet is heard telling the other bucks that Rudolph won't be hangin' with them because he's different.
Rudolph runs away from home, befriends Hermey, the Elf Dentist wannabe, and Yukon Cornelius, who later goes on to finish in 6th place in the 10th season of American Idol.
Rudolph realizes he has to go home, and upon entering his home-cave, he finds that it is empty. Santa walks in, and says that they have been gone for months along with Clarisse -- Rudolph's main squeeze -- looking for him, no one knows where they are. Really, Santa? You couldn't send a search party? I'm sure you've got connections. Santa goes on to say that he is upset that Donner might not make it back in time for Christmas Eve and Santa needs him for his sleigh. Really, Santa? Way to be all about you!
Rudolph finds the Abominable's cave, Hermey performs oral surgery, everyone is saved except for Yukon and the Abominable, they go over a cliff because Yukon can't leave well enough alone, he must taunt the dentally-challenged Abominable. Lesson learned, as sweet as Yukon is, he's loud, kind of annoying and a know-it-all.
We hear Rudolph cry, "He's gone! Oh he's gone!" Don't worry, they both come back, Bumbles bounce!
Here we are at the end of the story, and Santa has to cancel Christmas because of bad weather. When he breaks the news to everyone at Santa's Workshop. Santa is annoyed because Rudolph is there, right up front, nose a-blinkin', and Santa bellows:
Rudolph, Rudolph, that nose, that nose...
Now, he realizes how he can cash in on this, and suddenly, his mood goes from annoyed to woo hoo!
That beautiful, wonderful nose!
Wait! What? Rudolph is obviously confused. His nose has been a nuisance to everyone (except Clarisse -- what a woman!) all of his life, and Santa was the first one to tell him that!
From what I see now, that will cut through the murkiest storm they can dish up. What I'm trying to say is, Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight
Really, Santa? REALLY?! And what does Rudolph say?
It would be an honor, sir.
He's a better reindeer than me. I can think of a few choice words for Santa, but they wouldn't be, "It would be an honor, sir." I might have asked Blake Shelton to put a big F-U in Santa's future!
Too harsh? Watch the movie again and you decide.